This week, I’m delighted to welcome Eva James as my guest. I discovered Eva’s blog, http://bulliedbythebossblog.blogspot.com , over a year ago, and was at the same time appalled at what she was going through at work and deeply admiring of the way she wrote about it – succinct, engaging and knowledgeable.
Eva was badly bullied at work. Since she ditched her job and her damaging boss a year ago, I’ve watched as she charted her recovery. Here’s what she says about it:
It’s exactly a year since I walked out of my job, taking the first step of putting an extreme case of workplace bullying behind me (recorded in my blog).
It didn’t end with my letter of resignation, of course. I was immediately embroiled in the complex legalities of constructive dismissal. Even more negative were the unemployed hours with little to do but mull over what I’d gone through.
My boss had spent so long making fun of me, his voice narrated over everything I did. I knew what he’d say in any given situation and my imagination said it for him. Prolonged workplace bullying had made me paranoid and crazy.
A year later…
…and I’ve made a full recovery.
It’s not surprising considering the work I put in. And that’s what it takes – dedicated work. I’m not going to lie to you. Here’s a few from the list:-
I tried affirmations, self-help books, St John’s Wort, Kalms tablets, tried some angel therapy, forced myself to the gym, consulted my GP, called ACAS and twice called the Samaritans.
I talked to my mum and my best friend, went for walks, tried shopping therapy, wrote a self help book, used forums, got a better job and enrolled on a playwriting course.
I went on a yoga retreat (rooming with a hippy chick who listened to nothing but Hari Krishna on her MP3). I registered with a casting agency, trying to engineer more confidence about my appearance.
Perhaps more significantly, I tried Recover Your Balance – online.
You can’t imagine the cumulative hours I put into restoring myself back to the person I was.
It takes a whole lot of work
The refusal to give up until I felt 100% better now makes me more sensitive to those who don’t try or are half hearted about it. I see them everywhere. When I say, ‘Why don’t you read this, or try that?’ the answer is invariably along the lines of ‘Why should I? He/she made me feel like this. They’re responsible’.
But it’s the equivalent of someone hurt and bleeding after a car accident saying, ‘I won’t wear a bandage if the other driver won’t put it on for me.’
If you met me in the street today, you wouldn’t have the faintest idea I’ve ever had a problem in my life. Some days, I can almost believe it. And that, my friends, takes a whole lot of work. It takes a whole lot of tough love.
So take the tough love line on yourself – and try anything.
Best wishes, BBTB x”